Insanity Basket
by Hyoukai-chan
Summary: What happens when Akuma, some random chick I made up so this story would have a main character, gets sucked into the Fruits Basket world? Whatever the hell I want to happen, that's what!
1. Old KungFu Cows, and Candy Theft

**Hey people. This is my first fanfic so don't expect a masterpiece…I have no idea where the story is going, I just randomly felt like writing something. I'm going to try to have this be in least 5 pages in the word document, because if I told myself to write for 30 minutes I'd probably try to stall as much as possible…ok I'll shut up now. (Insert disclaimer I'm too lazy to write here)**

Akuma walked up to her very boring, completely beige school, expecting a very boring, beige-filled day. She looked around at the various idiots walking past her in the hall on the way to homeroom. They were all doing very boring things, dressed in completely beige. It was Boring School's dress code to wear only beige. Yes, it is actually called boring school. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I'M THE DAMN AUTHOR AND WHAT I SAY GOES! If you want to name the school something else, you can post a story identical to mine except replace boring school with something else, if you really hate the school name. So anyway, she arrived at her boring beige homeroom, and sat at a boring beige desk. Her boring, beige-wearing homeroom teacher walked up to her and asked "Why aren't you wearing beige?"

"I never wear beige, beige is for crusty old people." Akuma said. She has never worn beige, but the teachers are all old people and she usually sat in the back too far away for any of them to notice. Today for some reason she decided to sit in the front, mostly because I wanted her to get in trouble. "Go to the principals office, now." The old teacher said. Her old person smell was so bad, Akuma was glad to get out of there. A few minutes and about 100 beige lockers later, she got to the principal office. The principal was that guy from Imagination Movers who's name I can't remember. The boring guy that has a completely beige office. I think his name might have been or Nitnog or something like that.

The boring principal gasped at the non-beigeness of Akuma's clothes. He was going to give her inside suspension (Which is when you have to come to school and sit in a boring room and do boring work and you can't even sleep or draw or anything you can do during normal school) but after he said that she's getting inside suspension for 2 weeks she turned and made a mad dash for her boring beige locker to get her stuff and run far away. The boring principal dude was going to chase her, but realized that isn't boring so he went back to coloring in his pre-colored coloring books with his signature beige boring crayons.

Akuma opened her locker, and was about to grab all her non-school supply stuff, when she noticed something on her locker shelf. It was a basket of fruit. (Heh heh) and a manga. It was titled Fruits Basket: Volume 0. (By the way, Akuma doesn't know of Fruits Basket's existence) On the cover, was a drawing that looked a lot like her. She scanned through the book. It was completely blank, except for one sentence on the first page: "Your story is about to begin" it said. (I know, cheesy, but I couldn't think of something non-cheesy for it to say)

Suddenly she…umm I don't know fainted or something.

-Furuba World-

Hatori was taking a long walk outside thinking about deep depressing stuff because he's an emo seahorse. Suddenly, he saw some red-haired girl passed out on the ground. Since he's a doctor and all, he couldn't just leave her there. He took her to his doctor office, but since she isn't a zodiac animal, she got dragged there. Haha Akuma! (I feel kind of ashamed, I had to scroll up to check what her name was before typing it -_-)

When he got to the office, he checked for any head bumps or anything like that. He put her in one of those hospital style beds, and went off to "work" aka look at porn. What, you thought he would sit there and watch her sleep? He's not a creepy stalker like Edward Cullen (I hope I never have to type anything related to that horrible book again…and if you like Twilight good for you, feel free to leave a bad review if it *really* offends you that I hate Twilight, it'll give me something to laugh at ^_^)

A few hours later, Akuma went up, and the cliché "where am I?" scene started. Hatori explained where she was and blah blah blah. She said she has no idea where her house is and if she could stay here. "Sure why not, a lot of people get bored and write fanfiction about random nutjobs who end up here and for some reason are allowed to stay, so what harm will one more do?" Hatori said.

"…Huh?" Asked Akuma, who has no idea that she isn't real. "Nothing, I'll show you to your place." Hatoi said. I bet you thought she would live at Shigures house, huh? You're wrong, so just sit there in all of your wrongness and be wrong. How does it feel to be wrong? What's that? You want me to shut up and continue with the story? Ok, fine I will.

Akuma went inside her mini house. It had a kitchen/living room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. I'm too lazy to go into any more detail than that, so use your imagination, you know, like they taught you on those little kids shows?

Hatori walked away because he didn't really serve a purpose in this part of the plot (Wait, this story has a plot?) and Akuma just sort of stood there because the author couldn't think of anything to force her to do.

5 minutes later, the author thought of something to help fill up the 5 pages she's forcing herself to type today. Momiji suddenly appeared in the doorway to introduce himself. He dragged Haru with him, since they always seem to be near each other. He smiled his overly happy bunny smile. "Hey, Hatori told us there was someone new a few minutes ago, so me and Haru wanted to introduce ourselves!" (Actually, Momiji demanded Hatori to tell him if anything new happened because he was bored, and he got overly enthusiastic and wanted to go introduce himself right away, and Haru followed because he had nothing better to do)

"Oh, ok, well I'm Akuma, nice to meet you" (Is it necessary to say who typed this?) Then they just sorta stood there awkwardly for a minute. "So…do you want to go get some candy?" Momiji, obviously, asked. "Sure." Akuma said. She reached in her pocket and to her surprise had 50,000 yen in there…come on, Momiji's practically a kid, and I doubt Haru would have any money with him either, so I had to make SOMEONE have money.

The three of them walked to the candy store. Well, actually, not really. Haru had no idea where he was, and neither did Akuma, she's always had a crappy sense of direction, so even if she did sort of know her way around she'd get lost anyway, and Momiji expected either Haru or Akuma to know where the hell they were going. He for some reason thought of them as older and wiser because they were both taller than him, when really all three of them were just a few 15 year old hooligans.

They have been walking for 20 minutes now, and Momiji started to realize that they were not anywhere near a candy store. They looked around, and found they somehow ended up in the middle of nowhere, except with no Courage the Cowardly Dog. They looked around, and all they could see is an endless expanse of sand. They stood there for a few minutes when suddenly the saw a cow run towards them. They decided to get on it's back and get out of this random desert.

They thought they were going back to town, but I'm not done typing pointless stuff to fill up 5 pages yet, so they'll have to be tortured for another page or two so I can use the last page to end the day in the story.

The cow abruptly stopped, and they were in the middle of some cow heard. The trio (Because I overused the word "they" so I figure I should use other stuff) got off of the cow. The cow turned to Haru. "Join us." It mooed "We're all female and getting kind of old, so we need to have babies so the herd doesn't die out, and you're the only bull we've managed to find, by the way, don't bother running, we all know kung-fu." The creepy old kung-fu cow mooed. But only Haru knew what she was saying, to the other two it just sounded like a series of moos.

"Sure, but all of you need to go in the shed, so those two don't have to watch, and that way I can fuck all of you faster." Haru mooed back. A shed magically appeared out of thin air, and all the cows got in the shed. Haru slowly walked to the shed, but stopped when he was just outside it, slammed the shed closed, locked it, and put a bunch of big heavy rocks in front of the door. "Run, I'll explain what happened after we get away." Haru said. The door would probably hold for an hour or so, but since they know kung-fu, they could possibly kick down the door in one try.

After they were about a mile or 2 away, he explained the whole thing, and they suddenly walked into a McDonalds. Haru thought McDonalds is evil, Momiji thinks Ronald McDonald is creepy, and Akuma just plain thinks the food tastes like crap, so they started to walk out, but suddenly the Ronald McDonald statue that sits on one of the benches came to life and blocked their way. Akuma kicked him in the nuts and he fell to the ground in pain. They stepped over him and left the evil creepy disgusting place.

They walked aimlessly hoping they would get back to town. But the question here is will I let them? I suppose they've suffered enough…for now that is. The three of them walked into town. Only problem is they still didn't know where the candy store was. Some shady guy walked out of an alley. "Yo kids, want some candy? I have some in that van over there." He pointed to a suspicious looking white van that had no windows in the back. Akuma punched him in the face. Hard. He fell to the floor, blood oozing out of his nose. The teenagers walked away without a word.

Suddenly they saw a promising sight on the horizon. At last they found a candy store. But it was 10 pm by the time they found it, and it was closed, so they broke in and stole it instead. Well Akuma and Haru did, Momiji stood there nervous, but the other two were so pissed that they went through all that just to arrive at a closed store. It was a quiet street, and the store was small with no surveillance cameras, and the owner was stupid enough to leave the door unlocked, so they slipped in and took some candy. Haru stole a little bit of everything, and Akuma took some dark chocolate and buttered popcorn jelly beans. The store owner probably wouldn't even notice the robbery. They left no fingerprints or hairs, and the only witness was Momiji, who is too scared of Haru's black side and Akuma, who seems to have some anger issues of her own, to tell anyone about this crime.

After the candy theft was over, they walked home…or, well wandered around until they found the Sohma estate an hour later. They all split up and went to their mini houses. Akuma walked into her house and found a couple school uniforms and a note from Hatori.

Akuma,

I enrolled you into the local high school, I came to deliver your uniforms, but you were still out with Haru and Momiji when I came. Be up by 6 tomorrow, I have left Haru and Momiji notes telling them to visit you at 7 to show you the way to school. I checked your schedules, it seems you guys conveniently have the same classes. I left you a copy of your schedule.

-Hatori

Akuma Sohma

Class Schedule

1st- Math, 214, 8-9

2nd- History, 325, 9-10

3rd- Biology, 101, 10-114th- English, 526, 11-12

5th- Spanish, 934, 12-1

6th- Lunch, Lunchroom, 1-1:30

7th- Gym, 105, 1:30-2:30

Here are Akuma's thoughts: What the fuck I just got here and I already have school tomorrow? Damn this schedule sucks. That's a lot of stair climbing, and what the hell kinda school has 9 floors anyway? A sadistic one, that's what.

Then she looked over at her uniforms, and her irritation increased. The shirt wasn't so bad, she could tolerate wearing it, but the skirt looked about 2 inches long, plus she never wears skirts.

She walked around the estate until she found a Sohma 24-hour mall (Since it's about midnight at this point) and buys some outfits that don't involve two inch long skirts. Later when she got back, she ripped up the uniform and burned it. She put her new clothes in the dresser, and decided she should go to bed soon since it's 1 am and she has to wake up in 5 hours.

She dreamed of Haru being forced to have sex with three hundred cows. Then for some reason the cows turned into blocks of cheese, then her dream moved to her yelling at the author for trying to make up random crap just to fill up the last page. Fine, fine, I'll stop making up stupid dreams, happy? Great, now what am I supposed to do to fill up this last half a page…hmm, I guess I'll just do an author note or something.

**Whoever is insane enough to actually finish this chapter, you're awesome. 5 pages took a lot longer to write than I thought. Believe it or not, this piece of chicken shit took 4 hours to type. Well, thanks for reading…hmm, I still have space to fill up, so I'll tell you something. If anyone is still reading, I'm going to make a section down here where I answer random questions you ask. It doesn't have to have anything to do with the…er…story. (I use that term loosely) it could be about kumquats if you really care about kumquats enough to ask me about them…but that would be kinda stupid, because I don't even really know what the fuck they are. So anyway, ask some random questions in your review. (If anyone bothers to read this that is) If noone reviews…well I guess I'll have to throw bricks at random people, and hope that the random people are people that read but didn't review…damn this page STILL isn't filled up. I guess I'll ask my self some questions then.**

**Q- Who the hell are you?**

**A- I'm the torturer of fictional characters, who the hell are YOU?**

**Q-This is Akuma. You're a stupid sadistic bitch who has no life and writes horrible stories.**

**A- Thanks. I love you too! :)**

**Q-Why are you asking yourself questions?**

**A- To fill up the page, as I've said before…don't you read? Does this mean I don't even read what I write? Probably.**

**Q-How long are you going to talk to yourself anyway?**

**A- Until I get to the bottom of this last page, which should be about now.**

**Well that's all for now! I'll be sure to torture you all again soon!**

**Love,**

**Hyoukai-chan**


	2. An Average Day of School

**Hello randoms, sorry it took so long to update…I wasn't even thinking about this "story" because I was sitting here at 3am trying to read huckleberry finn for my summer reading since I have school on the 7th****. Ugh. So far I only got through 3 chapters, and there's like 43 in the book. -_- So anyway, that's why I decided to procrastinate by writing another pointless chapter. Oh yeah, and by looking at other fanfics I figured out you're supposed to start a new paragraph whenever someone talks…well that's what I get for sleeping in English since elementary school…well at least my "at least 5 pages per chapter" rule should be easier now…I just realized I rambled on. Ok now to start total pointlessness.**

Akuma woke up to the sound of the alarm clock. It blasted in her ears, so she broke it and went back to sleep, but the author forced her out of bed because she was sick of watching Akuma do nothing, it's time to torture her.

"You're just sadistic and hypocritical because you don't have school yet!" Akuma yelled.

True, now shut up so I can force you to do stuff. So anyway, Akuma took a shower, but there was no hot water. OH WELL! At least she's not tired anymore. She searched around the mini house type thing for a hair brush, but there was none! She had to use a fork instead, but at least she got every last tangle out! There was no hairdryer either, but it's raining anyway, so who cares?

She walked to her closet and picked out an outfit she bought last night, and put it on…obviously. I'm too lazy to describe the outfit, so just imagine an awesome outfit and that's what she's wearing. Aren't I considerate, letting you guys use your imaginations and choosing small, insignificant details of the story? What? I'm a lazy bitch who has no imagination? Thanks!

Akuma looked over at the clock, and was surprised there was even a clock. It said it was 6:45 am, so for the next 15 minutes she ate breakfast and thought about how she needs to buy stuff like hairbrushes, and boring things like that.

At exactly 7:00, there was a knock on the door. It was a crazy ninja dolphin that wanted to kill her for some reason. Just kidding, it was Haru and Momiji. What? That wasn't funny? Fine, be that way.

"Hey" Akuma said.

"Hey, why aren't you wearing your uniform?" Momiji asked.

"Because that skirt is about 2 inches long and only a total idiot would be caught dead in it." Akuma stated.

"You know you can just get a longer skirt, right?" Haru asked.

"No thanks, if I have to choose between a 2 inch long skirt and a grandma skirt I'd choose neither. Now that you mention it though, I wonder why Hatori only got me the short one? Pervert." Akuma rambled.

"Alright, but the class president is probably going to try to expel you. He'll probably harass you about your hair color too, I know that from experience." Haru said.

"Class president, eh? I think I can deal with him just fine." Akuma said.

"Ok, lets go!" Momiji yelled enthusiastically.

They all walked out of the Sohma estate.

"Hey, doesn't school not start until 8? It's 7:10." Akuma said.

"We're going to get some breakfast, you have money, right?" Momiji said.

"Yeah, do either of you?" Akuma questioned.

"Nope." Both of them said, and Akuma got one of those anime sweat drops on the back of her head.

"Whatever, I'll pay, I still have about 30,000 yen left anyway." Akuma said.

They walked into one of those ramen shop type places, where there was some middle aged guy making some ramen.

"Hey, 3 orders of ramen please." Akuma said.

"Ramen? I can give you some ramen, but it will curse you." The middle aged guy, who will be named Lumpy from now on, said in a creepy voice. Haru and Momiji laughed.

"Curse? COOL! Make us some ramen!" the idiotic Akuma said.

"Ok." Lumpy said.

5 minutes later the ramen was placed on the counter and the three of them sat on the stools.

"Um, Akuma," Momiji began. "I'm not sure abou-"

"SHUT UP AND EAT DAMMIT!" Akuma yelled.

All 3 of them ate the ramen. The noodles were stale and the broth tasted like smelly feet. That's because the noodles WERE stale, and the broth WAS made out of smelly feet.

"Eww, this is disgusting, I want a refund, what the hell kind of curse do we have now?" Akuma yelled.

Lumpy pointed to a _no refunds_ sign, and said, "The curse…or rather, curses, should kick in at any second."

A few seconds later, the ramen suddenly yelled, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE I DO NOT TASTE LIKE FUCKING SMELLY FEET, YOU DO! AND YOU SMELL LIKE SMELLY FEET TOO! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" The ramen yelled.

Akuma threw the bowls of ramen at Lumpy, and the trio left the ramen shop. I bet you thought it would be an actual curse, didn't you? So did I but I couldn't think of anything that wasn't cliché so I just did that.

It was 7:45 by the time they got out of there, and the school was a 10 minute walk, so they had 5 minutes to walk to their first class, math.

They got to the front of the school, and walked up to their math class. The teacher, named , was as old and crusty as can be, even more old and crusty than the teachers at Boring School.

"Ah, I see we have a new student!" said. She lies, she didn't see her, she heard of her arrival the previous day. Liar. "Why don't you stand in front of the whole class and introduce yourself!" Said the evil lying sadistic teacher.

Akuma stood at the front of the class, looking at all her possible and probable enemies. "My name is Akuma, and I hate 2 things: Humanity, and broccoli." Akuma said. She figured she'd make a lot of enemies anyway so why not speed up the process? She sat down at a desk between Haru and Momiji, and settled down for a nice long nap.

10 minutes lated , whacked her with a ruler, and Akuma grabbed it out of her hands and beat her with it until the teacher was backed up into a closet. Akuma locked the door and put heavy objects in front of it. Then everyone took a nap until the next class.

(Math class day overview)

All day kids walked into math class, expecting to be tortured with equations, but instead found she was locked in the closet. Almost everyone was happy, except one or two that tried to get the old lady out, only to be blocked by a magical barrier placed by the author because of her hatred of stupid old math teachers that can't teach. (, if you happen to be reading this, FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING HAIR THAT'S ALL BENDY AND WEIRD AT THE ENDS!) What will happen to the crusty math teacher you ask? You'll find out once I figure that out.

(Between 1st and 2nd classes)

Akuma, Haru, and Momiji were walking to their history class, when suddenly someone yelled, "STOP RIGHT THERE!"

It was the class president dude (Sorry, I tried to look up his name, but couldn't find it, so I'm just going to have him not say his name)

"You thought you would get away with this, didn't you? You have no regard for the dress code, and your hair! It's bright red, how many kids here can "naturally" have odd hair colors? WELL I'M SICK OF IT!" He yelled.

"You're annoying." Akuma stated, and knocked him out, but noone saw or objected.

"You shouldn't knock out random people all the time." Momiji said.

"Too late now, let's go we're gonna be late." Haru said, and the three hurried up to class.

They arrived at their history class. At a desk sat some old guy who probably couldn't see two feet in front of him. He seemed like the sort where you can obviously look at a cheet sheet during a test and he wouldn't notice. (Note to : GET SOME FREAKING GLASSES DUDE)

The teacher was named….

"Ok class, read pages 71-80" said before falling asleep. Akuma took a nap until class was over and made him inhale poison powder before leaving class.

Their next class was biology. Yet another crusty teacher (Named ) tried to make them dissect live frogs. Akuma threw frogs at him then after class was over dissected him. Cutting his heart slowly was fun.

The three of them climbed up a few stories to English class. The lady was in her 50's and wore huge glasses but was too busy reading to notice Akuma's lack of uniform. She tried to force everyone to read _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_, but Akuma led an angry book-throwing mob to throw the books at her head. Her skull split open, and she died.

Their next class was Spanish, which was a bitch to get to considering it's was 5 floors up. The teacher was in her 30's, but the sombrero blocked her view of Akuma's non-uniform.

It wasn't that bad a class, but since Akuma killed all the other teachers, she might as well kill this one too. She strangled the teacher with her sombrero until she died.

"Yay, it's finally time for lunch! All this murder is making me hungry!" Akuma said happily. They walked down the many flights of stairs into the cafeteria. All three of them sat with Yuki, Kyo ,(Surprisingly not trying to sit on the school roof) Tohru, Saki, and Arisa. I'm going to attempt to show how they sat.

Kyo Arisa Tohru Saki

Yuki Haru Akuma Momiji

Kyo was eating some sushi, Arisa was eating dumplings, Tohru was eating rice balls, Saki was eating…something I'll let you decide, Yuki was eating something prince-like, Haru was eating something sexy, (Lol) Akuma was eating everything but fish onions or leeks (I'm not trying to copy Kyo with the last 2, I just hate those foods…I wonder if Miso tastes bad, I've never tried it) and Momiji was eating candy. (Dies of shock)

Each half of the table (Meaning KyoArisaYukiHaru; AkumaMomijiTohruSaki) was having a different conversation, which I will now make up.

KAYH

Kyo: Why am I stuck sitting across from the damn rat? I can't eat when I'm being forced to look at him!

Yuki: Baka. No one is forcing you to look. In fact, no one even wants you here.

Arisa: Aww. Kyon-Kyon is getting all flustered looking at prince charming. I wonder why?Kyo: Shut up yankee!Haru: How come I'm not being included in the conversation?

Author: I dunno, this is a half-assed filled conversation, and I couldn't think of anything to make you say.

Haru: Oh, ok.

AMTS

Tohru: So Akuma, how was your day?

Akuma: Pretty good, Only one teacher left to kill!

Tohru: EHHH? Well as long as it makes you happy, I'm sure it's the right thing to do! (Smiles idiotic smile)Akuma: Yeah yeah whatever dumbass.

Tohru: (Stupid monologue spoken out loud) Mom, I just met an interesting person! She seems very kind, and expresses herself well! I hope to be like her someday!Akuma: What the fuck?

Saki: Do not use such language around my Tohru.

Akuma: Fine. What the fluck. That better? And she is not yours. You're not her mother.

Momiji: Want some candy?

After the boring filler conversations ended, they all (1st and 2nd years have gym together for some reason) went to gym.

They went to the locker rooms, and changed. I don't really feel like going into detail about that, so too bad no locker room lemons for you. Go read an M rated fic if you want that.

The teacher looked like a pirate mobster. Akuma threw a dodge ball at him hard enough to kill him, just because all her other teachers are dead.

Everyone just kinda wandered around and did their own thing. Kyo challenged Yuki to some random thing, Saki and Arisa just sat on the bench because I didn't feel like thinking of something for them to do. Haru stood stoically next to a candy eating Momiji. Tohru tried to shoot some hoops, failing miserably and getting hit in the head may times by the basket ball. Akuma made fun of her, but Tohru was too stupid to realise it.

An hour of various activity later, school was out. Everyone split up and went to get stuff out of their lockers. They left in groups. Haru Momiji and Akuma left together, and the others made their own group.

The trio of 1st years went into the parking lot, and saw Hatori and his fancy car.

"I came here to pick you three up. Akuma, why aren't you wearing the uniform?" Hatori asked.

"2 inch mini skirt? No thanks.?"

"How did you not get caught?"

"…I have my ways.""I'm going to have to get you some more."

"Awww…can I at least get pants this time?"

"…Fine."Everyone got in the car and Hatori drove back to the Sohma estate, only to see dead cow corpses.

(Flashback of what happened)

The kung-fu cows kicked down the door on the shed, and escaped. They used their super cow powers to track Haru's scent, which lead to Mc Donalds, and about half the clan was turned to burgers, but about 50 of them got away. They followed his scent to the candy store then to the estate. Little did they know that Haru was at school. They figured if they stampeded, they could destroy the estate and find Haru, but the Sohma people killed them all. The end.

Random Sohmas no one knows or cares about were cleaning up the dead cows. The 4 currently somewhat important characters ignored it and went inside the estate. Since all the teachers died there is no homework, so the troublesome trio had a whole day to kill…in the next chapter, that is!

**Sorry to stop in the middle of the day, but I've wrote almost 7 pages in 2 ½ hours and it's almost 6 (I have freshman orientation today…ugh I'm already being bothered to be awake early and school's not actually started yet -_-) So I'll stop here for now because I'm kinda busy. Well I guess I should answer the questions I got asked. By the way, thank you .x and Frizzlechick for reviewing. I didn't think I'd get any reviews at all!**

**Q: Was it supposed to be funny?A: No so STOP LAUGHING PUNK! Lol jk…well I guess it was a feeble attempt at humor but mostly I was just bored.**

**Q: What the hell are Kumquats?**

**A: Good question, I have no idea, I think it's some kind of fruit or vegetable…maybe.**

**Q-Do you like waffles? Go online and type Youtube-the duck song! Its awesome!**

**A-Yeah, who doesn't like waffles? Btw I'm making that song my ringtone…lol.**

**Ok well I gotta go before I'm dragged away from the computer-cya!**

**Love,**

**Hyoukai-chan**


	3. Tour of the Beef Jerky Museum

**Hey guys…so I was reading over the chapter I wrote the other night, and turns out it cut out all the teachers names and stuff…weird. So if you care at all…which no one probably does, here's the names….hmm they're dead now so it doesn't matter much but oh well whatever.**

**Math Teacher- Ms. Crumplebottom**

**The Math Teacher I was yelling about in parenthesis shortly after- Ms. Sawyer (WORST TEACHER EVER)**

**History Teacher- Mr. Drywall**

**One I was telling to get some freakin glasses: Mr. Toomey (Seriously, I was in the front row of his class a few years ago, and cheated on a test very obviously just to see if he could see that far…and he couldn't…so yeah, he needs to get some glasses…)**

**English Teacher- Mrs. Blankwords**

**Spanish teacher-Never thought of her name…so I'll leave her name to your imaginations…if they even exist anymore.**

**Pirate Mobster gym teacher-Haven't thought of this one either…I'll just name him…Jennifer.**

**Ok so that's all the names…time to make up random shit for this chapter (Better than reading huckleberry finn at least -_-)**

Where did I stop? (Checks end of last chapter) Oh great…a vague ending…now I have to actually THINK of something to happen. Wonderful.

"HEY! Think of something already! You've been making excuses to slack off for the past 10 minutes! I'm bored standing here!" Akuma yelled.

Baka. You're not supposed to know that I control your every action or even that I exist…but you do have a point.

"LET'S GO TO THE BEEF JERKY MUESUM!" Momiji suddenly yelled.

Sure, why not Momiji. That's all I can think of right now.

"Ok." Haru and Akuma agreed .

They walked out of the Sohma estate…good thing too, those cows are starting to stink up the place.

You probably think I'm going to waste three pages making up ways they'll get lost like last time, don't you? Well, you're wrong! I have no idea what I'm about to write…err…well I am kinda hungry…maybe I can have a snack and think about stuff that's going to happen…

"SHUT UP! Just write the damn thing so I can be done with this day!" Akuma yelled…again…

That wasn't very nice. Fine, I'll write stuff if you stop yelling at me. :(

The beef jerky museum is a few blocks away (Whatever the hell "blocks" are…I don't get out much) so they wouldn't take long to get there. Oh wait I JUST remembered Haru is a cow. Oh well, he'll live. He probably forgot beef jerky is made out of cow too.

They got to the beef jerky museum. Outside was some person giving out free beef jerky. We'll name her…Hitler.

"HEY! Want some free beef jerky?" Poindexter said. She had an apron that said "Server of Freshly Killed Cows!"

"Sure. I love beef jerky." Haru said. Then he took a big bite of his ancestor.

A few minutes later they walked into the museum. It had stale 100 year old pieces of beef jerky everywhere. Haru picked one up and ate it. That could have been the cow king 100 years ago, and Haru could be next in line for the cow throne for all we know. But now he will never be king, because he's a cannibal. Haha Haru.

"HI" Some weird kid who looked about 16 said. He looked like Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory. He had a hat that was in the shape of a cow being slaughtered, and had an apron that said "KILLING COWS CRULELY MAKES THE JERKY TASTE BETTER" "Would you like a tour of the museum?" He said. His name is Poindexter.

Oh, before I forget, there was also a sign that said "IF ANY COWS ARE FOUND HERE INTO THE GRINDER THEY GO, NO QUESTIONS ASKED" Ohhh….foreshadowing…or maybe not, depends what I decide will happen.

"Yeah!" Momiji said.

"Ok right this way." They walked into another room. There was a giant piece of beef jerky shaped like a boulder. On top, there was a sword stuck in it…yeah I did the cliché sword thing.

"This is the largest beef jerky piece ever made. It weighs 10 tons. The sword is only pulled out by the chosen one…the Jerky master. The ruler of jerkykind. They get 1% off on all jerky products. Pretty badass, huh?" Poindexter said.

All three of them pulled the sword to no avail. Suddenly some random person appeared and pulled the sword out of the boulder of beef jerky.

"Muahhahahahahhahahaha, I AM FRIZZLECHICK, THE RULER OF JERKY KIND! I GET A SUPERIOR DISCOUNT ON JERKY! BOW DOWN TO ME!" Frizzlechick yelled. But then she got bored of shouting and decided to buy some beef jerky at a random store that conveniently appeared across the street so she could brag about her 1% discount to some random employee.

"Aww. I wanted to be the ruler of jerky kind." Said Haru, STILL unaware that beef jerky is made out of cows.

Poindexter led them into another room. It had pictures hanging on the wall, made out of beef jerky. One picture was similar to the Mona Lisa, another was a picture of a cow being chopped up with an axe, and a third one was a picture of barney.

"This is our artwork. There is only 3 pictures because beef jerky pictures are very rare. They're all ancient but nice to look at, much like your mom." Poindexter said.

"…" It was quiet for a few minutes

Poindexter showed them the slaughtering room. It had a few grinders, and a bunch of people with axes to swing at the cows. There were even traps the cows could walk into and die a horrible painful death. Workers were throwing a few cows into the grinder, and some employees in the corner were swinging axes at a cow. The only sounds in the room were the grinder, the whacks of the axes, and violent, scared, painful moos. There was blood everywhere. It was a pretty warm and fuzzy place.

The sight of this room made Haru realise beef jerky is made of cows. He immediately turned black and destroyed everything in sight. When the slaughtering room was destroyed, he set the living cows free. Then he proceeded to destroy the rest of the place.

Akuma and Momiji just stood there awkwardly.

"What's his problem? And people think I have a bad temper…jeez." Akuma said.

"Hug me" Momiji said.

"What the hell?" Akuma asked, then hugged him. He turned into a rabbit. Then he explained the zodiac curse and how Haru is the cow and shit.

"Wow…then why did you suggest we go here then?" Akuma asked.

"I figured he wouldn't find out beef jerky is made out of cows. I didn't think they'd had a slaughtering room." Momiji said.

"Oh. Well whatever, we should probably get out of here soon. This is getting boring and I'm hungry." Akuma said.

"Ok! We'll go to a restaurant soon!" Momiji said.

Suddenly some randoms walked into the room carrying the dead kung-fu cows, but they saw the place was destroyed, so they went to sell the dead cows to McDonalds instead.

"I guess we should leave now." Akuma stated.

The whole building was completely destroyed, so leaving was easy. Haru was calmly sitting on a bench on the sidewalk.

"Hey guys" Haru said "Where'd you go?"

"You're the one who walked away from us…anyway, we're hungry, let's get something to eat." Akuma said.

They went to some random Chinese food place. A hostess seated them at a Chinese style table.

It was square, with 4 edges (Obviously -_-) and…why am I telling you this, you don't need to know minor stuff like that. Oh well, too late now.

"You know that's what the backspace button is for, right?" Akuma said.

Shut up. I'm sick of you and your smartass comments.

"Who are you talking to?" Haru asked.

"Huh?" Akuma said, because I erase her memory of me every time she has a smartass thing to say to me.

Suddenly a waitress walked up to them. She had long black hair, was wearing a silk Kimono (Or if Chinese people don't wear those, think of something Chinese-ish for her to wear instead.) had sparkling brown eyes, and…teeth that were too big for her mouth, so big that she was stuck with a permanent creepy huge smile. I'm gonna name her Creepy Waitress George.

"Hewwo" C.W.G. said (She can't really talk because of her giant teeth) "Ken I teak yewr ourder?"

I'm too lazy to type dialogue, so I'll tell you what they got. It was about 5 pm, so they each got a dinner special that includes a type of soup: either egg drop (Yum) Wonton Soup (Really good) or Hot and Sour Soup (BLAH) a choice of appetizer: Chicken wings, Chicken Fingers, Egg Rolls, Spring Rolls, or Dumplings (All pretty good, although I find spring rolls a bit bland, but they're not horrible) a type of rice: Fried, or White (Both are good, the one you choose would depend what you're in the mood for.) an entrée: Kung Pao chicken or beef, General Gao's chicken, any type of Lo Mein, Fried Noodles, Chow Mein, or any type of Stir Fry (Great, now I'm hungry…at 4am. Wonderful.) Tea, and of course, Fortune Cookies! (Sorry about all the over explaining of the menu…lets just say I go to Chinese food places too often -_-)

So now here's what they got:

Akuma:

Soup- Wonton

Appetizer- Dumplings

Rice- White

Entrée- Kung Pao chicken

Tea+Fortune Cookie

Haru:

Soup- Egg Drop

Appetizer- Chicken Fingers

Rice- White (Lol, his personality is white now and he's eating WHITE rice! Heh heh…)

Entrée- Fried Noodles.

Tea+Fortune Cookie

Momiji-Soup- Egg drop

Appetizer- Egg Rolls

Rice- Fried

Entrée- Kung Pao Beef (Oooooooh, bad Momiji! XD)

Tea+Fortune Cookie

Ok, so now I that I explained in depth exactly what they ordered, on with the story.

After a minute, CWG brought out a tea set, and those fried wonton strips that are always at Chinese restarunts. The one that comes with the hot and sour sauce. The horrible evil hot and sour sauce. They all poured their tea…except Haru helped Momiji with his so he wouldn't spill. (Aww…lol.)

Akuma got a mischievous look on her face. "Hey Momiji, I dare you to eat a spoonful of that sauce." She pointed to the evil nasty hot and sour sauce.

"Ok!" Exclaimed Momiji. He put a huge spoonful of it into his mouth and swallowed it. (Momiji loves to swallow XD jk jk) his face changed quickly. He gagged.

"This stuff is disgusting!" Momiji complained. (That actually happened to me a few months ago, the taste stayed in my mouth for a long time)

A few minutes later CWG brought the soups, which they all ate, except Momiji's tasted gross because of the lingering taste in his mouth. CWG brought out all of the dishes they ordered, and they ate all of it. (Haru didn't even notice Momiji ordered beef) At the end of the meal, the inevitable fortune cookies came. I bet you think these will be crucial to the plot, don't you? Well, there IS NO PLOT, so these fortunes are pointless.

Akuma's fortune said - "_You will forever be a pawn to the greater being controlling you…aka me_."

Haru's said- "_Stop getting lost or you will walk into a grinder and die and I will eat the burger you become and laugh at you_"

Momiji's just said "_Order more takeout_" (I actually got a fortune cookie that said this)

Now what to do? The day is mostly over (6:30 in the story now) and I can't think of anything. I can't even do a lame homework scene because Akuma killed all the teachers. Stupid homicidal bitch…

"Lets visit Ha'ri!" Momiji said. (That's what he calls Hatori, right? I forget…)

They all walked back to the Sohma estate surprisingly without getting lost, and knocked on Hatori's door.

"Yes? What do you want?" Hatori asked.

"Tori-san! How dare you be so rude to visitors! Come in, make yourself at home." an obnoxiously loud voice called.

"Yeah, Haa-kun! (I forget if it was ha-kun or haa-kun…I'll just use Haa-kun until I find out since it looks cooler) You shouldn't be so rude!" another annoying voice said.

Hatori sighed, wishing the idiots would leave him alone. (Ayame and Shigure I mean) he let the trio in.

"Hatsuharu and Momiji! Nice to see you! And who's this lovely lady you brought with you? We're one of you on a date with her…or maybe BOTH of you were! Since you guys seem to like sharing, mind if I share her with you too?" Shigure rambled on.

Akuma punched him.

"Oww, that hurt! I feel like I'm dying!" Shigure yelled dramatically.

"Don't worry, my love, I'll nurse you back to health!" Ayame exclaimed. Then they did the thumbs up thing where they shout "ALL RIGHT!"

"Akuma, these two idiots are Shigure and Ayame, don't mind them, you learn how to block them out eventually." Hatori said.

Ayame and Shigure fake-cried. "You're so mean Tori-san!" Ayame yelled.

Hatori ignored them. "Oh, Akuma, I got your new uniforms." Hatori said and handed it to her.

"Pants? This won't do! I'm going to have to design your uniforms by scratch!" Ayame exclaimed.

After that they all stayed and talked…well actually Akuma and Hatori talked about some book they both read trying and failing to ignore Aaya and Shigue, and Haru and Momiji stood there talking about…whatever you want them to talk about, because I don't feel like thinking.

"It's 9:30" Hatori said "I have to get ready for bed soon so it's time for everyone to go home."

"BUT TORI-SAN! I'll miss you too much if I leave you, my heart won't be able to take it!" Aaya exclaimed.

"Good." Hatori said.

He forced Shigure and Aaya to leave, both of the fake-crying on the way out. Akuma, Haru, and Momiji left after, saying goodnight to Hatori.

The three of them split up so they could get ready for bed…or not. Haru was going home to play video games, Momiji to watch porn (COME ON! You know he must! He probably only PRETENDS to be innocent! XD) and Akuma to…I don't know, go on face book or something. She hasn't been on in a week. The house had a laptop.

"AW COME ON! This house doesn't have a freakin HAIRBRUSH yet it has a LAPTOP?" Akuma yelled.

Yep. Now shut up and log on already.

Akuma logged onto her facebook, and it had 25 messages…all from Boring School students asking where the hell she disappeared to. It was probably a huge news story there. But that doesn't really matter right now. She deleted all the messages.

She noticed she had 5 friend requests, from Momiji, Haru, Hatori (Wow, he has a facebook?) Tohru, and Yuki. She accepted them, and saw that Momiji was online.

(Supposed to have bad punctuation and shit since they're chatting on facebook)

Akuma: hey

Momiji: o hey akuma

Akuma: wuts up

Momiji: nm u

Akuma: nm

While this fascinating conversation was going on, Momiji was busy watching porn, so that's why he isn't saying much…

Akuma: well i gtg skool 2morro ugh nite

Momiji: nite

After that very interesting conversation, Akuma went to bed…at 10...goody goody two shoes. Momiji was up until 3 and Haru didn't sleep at all. Tomorrow at school, there's going to be two sleepwalking zombies. Have fun with that Akuma. HAHA!

**So, I guess I'll end this chapter here. Wow, it's so weird using internet talk…I'm one of those nerds that almost always use correct punctuation and stuff…even in chat haha. **

**Well I guess I'll answer you people's questions now, or rather, question…lol.**

**Q: can I be in the next chapter like randomly there *waves in the background* everyone else: WTF? :D that would be soooo very funny :D xx**

**A: Enjoy your 1% discount on beef jerky! XD**

**Ok, well since there's not much left to say, later.**

**Love,**

**Hyoukai-chan**


	4. Something evil has happened

**Hey various lifeforms, so…well, school started on the 7****th****, and I'm busy with a lot of stuff, and when I finally have time to write I have to go to bed unless I wanna fall asleep the next day, so most chapters will be written on weekends, since most days I'm busy. Sorry about this. Stupid school. .**

**Love,**

**Hyoukai-chan**


	5. STUPID FUCKING SCHOOL

**Hey guys. I know you all probably wanna kill me for disappearing. I tried writing in a notebook at school, didn't work. I tried writing on the weekends, and it was a failure. I hate school, anyone who makes it through high school (Or worse, MIDDLE SCHOOL (Shudders at various memories)) without running away, dropping out, or committing suicide deserves a medal for endurance. -_- I've learned school saps any creativity whatsoever out of me (I attempted writing now and just couldn't.) So…I guess I won't be able to update until a major vacation. Stupid school. Sorry for writing two A/N's in a row. Don't expect anything until about Christmas, I'm just devoid of motivation right now. -_-**


	6. Zombies and white stuff

**Hey, I'm back! Sorry for dissapearing for so long, I just suck at time and stress management, so whenever I did have time, I was eiether tired, in a bad mood, or frantically finishing schoolwork. Well I go to a vocational school, so today I didn't have any acedemic classes. I'm physically exausted, but my mind won't shut the fuck up, so I figure I should at least do something instead of just lying there bored. Well, hopefully this won't suck. I'm also gonna try to write a chapter at least every other weekend, and at least twice on vacations. Ok, well I should probably be writing.**

_Haru's awakening._

Haru Sohma woke to a blaring alarm clock. It was 6 am. (Silently jealous since I have to be up at 5 .) He was so tired, he felt like a zombie. He walked up to a mirror. He had grey, decaying flesh, HUGE rotten yellow-brown teeth, and his hair was partially gone. Oh yeah, and he had no eyes. He walked funny with his arms out and lacked the ability to think. (He looks exactly like I do in the morning -_-)

Since he's basically a zombie, instead of getting dressed, he tried to go outside, only he walked into the door. He wasn't strong enough to walk through the door like on cartoons, so he sorta stayed like that.

_Momiji's…um already-awakefulness._

Momiji was extremely hyper from not sleeping. His hand also stunk and had white stuff on it, but he didn't notice. He ate 20 pounds of chocolate and wore an outfit made of chocolate. Little does he know it's going to be really warm out today. Or \maybe he does know…

He ran out the door, extremely excited. (Woah, I thought he took care of that excitement last night. He's an animal! XD)

_Akuma's awakening  
_The author levitatated Akuma out of bed.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?" She yelled.

She got dressed, and angrily smashed stuff. The house was destroyed as she left. I fixed it since I don't want her to die since I can't torture her then.

Her and Momiji ran into each other. Litterally. Akuma was attempting to run away from the author (Dumbass, I control the story, you can't run) and Momiji ran because he's a hyper bunny. They flew 20 feet back.

"Hey Akuma! Isn't it an awesome day! I love chocolate! Life is awesome!" Momiji babbled.

"…Where's Haru?" Akuma asked.

Momiji shrugged, and they decided to go to Haru's house. When they opened the door, Haru slowly stumbled out.

"Wow! You look like a sleep walking zombie! Haha!" Momiji yelled, and wiped his white stuff in what is left of Haru's hair, figuring it would blend in since his hair is white and Haru evidently forgot to take a shower. Haru tried to bite Momiji but he bit his chocolate clothes instead. In this er…piece of literature, chocolate makes zombies mouths stay shut, so Haru couldn't open his mouth anymore. Oh well.

They all walked to school. On the way, some crusty old fat guy talked to them.

"Hey youngins! How would you like to join the Cheez Gangstas? FWAH FWAH FWAH!" Said the old dude. I'll call him Crusty Cheese Bobo.

"Sure, why not. What do we do?" Akuma asked.

"Oh, we just go up in a blimp and spill molten cheese on cities. Well, we torture people with cheese in a lot more ways, but that's our favorite activity." Crusty Cheese Bobo said.

"Sounds like fun!" Momiji yelled. Suddenly his chocolate clothes melted.

"You need cheez robes!" CCB yelled. He gave them black robes similar to the ones the Akatsuki wear (If you wach Naruto you probably know what I'm talking about) but instead of clouds, there were blocks of cheese. They put the robes on. Well, Akuma and Momiji did. Haru was asleep leaning against a wall.

"WAKE UP DAMMIT!" Akuma yelled and threw Haru into the street. He got ran over and died. Everyone left him there to get ran over 20 million more times. They got into a huge blimp with giant buckets full of cheese. Like the kind villians drop people in.

They dumped all of the cheese on the city, and a lot of people were vaporised by the boiling hot cheese. Akuma made sure to dump extra cheese on the school.

A few hours later Akuma and Momiji got bored and realised the only member in the gang besides them is Crusty Cheese Bobo, so they killed him and left. Suddenly they remembered Haru died, and decided to go stomp on his corpse.

When they got there Haru was nowhere to be seen. He was watching them and wondering why the hell they're standing there.

"You guys will get run over if you don't get out of the street." Haru said. Apparently he didn't die, he just got un-zombiefied, but he still had white stuff in his hair.

They decided to walk home, when they Ayame saw them. He yelled a greeting then went to ruffle Haru's hair for some reason.

"Hatsuharu how naughty! We need to have a talk! You should at least wash it off right! I'm going to need to demonstrate for you!" He yelled and dragged Haru off to his shop to "demonstrate"

Akuma and Momiji stood there for a few minutes with an O_o look on their faces. They decided that since the school is destroyed anyway they might as well go back to sleep…TOGETHER…kidding. They walked to the estate which somehow wasn't covered in cheese.

Something interesting is about to happen, but the author is too lazy to keep writing.

**Heh heh. Sorry it was so short and it sucked, but I haven't written in awhile so I need to get used to writing again. Hopefully the next chapter will be better. I'm going to try to write again on Sunday or Monday, but if not I will next weekend. Well I'm going to check to see if I have any questions for the Q&A section thing. Nope I don't…ok well sorry it's short and really boring. I started a blog because I was bored. I guess I'll give you the link. blogofalazyassteenager. blogspot. com (without the spaces) well I'm tired, bye, hopefully the next chapter will be better.**

**-Hyoukai-chan**


	7. Everyone Dies

**Hey insane people that are still bothering to read this. Yeah…I'm a little late updating, like 3 weeks, but I'm lazy ok! I've been awake for 2 days and most likely have a GPA of 0.01 by now (If I'm lucky, that is) so I figured why not stay up another night since I've got nothing to lose. Oh, and I'm too lazy to update my blog about being lazy, so pretend I never said anything about it.**

The main house Sohmas walked out of their houses (Yes, at the same exact time) Suddenly…OH NO! The Magic School Bus made a drive-by shooting. The creepy 2-dimentional kids and their fucked up bus laughed evilly, and drove away. Except instead of driving away, they crashed into a random hippo and they all died.

Haru stayed overnight at Ayame's after the "demonstration" (o_0) One dress that got white stuff on it got angry and killed Aya, Haru, and by default Mine. You can still see their corpses adrift in the sea of fabric…you know, if you somehow found a portal to the Fruits Basket world and went inside Aya's shop. But then the angry raging fabric will devour you, as it does to all future random OC's who for some reason go into the abandoned shop.

Tohru was trying to eat food, but missed her mouth and poked her eyes out. She became blind and accidently walked off the edge of some random cliff 2 seconds later. Kyo and Yuki died trying to save the idiot, fighting over her the entire way down, until SPLAT! They were Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru pancakes, which some bird ate, and later crapped on Lumpy from the cursed ramen shop. He died, and the crap decayed into the soil, so they will always be with us…in our hearts. Or in the dirt, your choice.

Uo and Hana randomly exploded, because someone always has to randomly explode when characters are killed off, it's a law of nature.

"Hey, what about us!" yelled Hiro, surrounded by other random characters I didn't kill off yet.

"I don't know, go jump off a frickin bridge or something!" I yelled at them.

They all shrugged, and jumped off some random bridge that appeared. There were spikes underneath, so everyone got impaled. I left out so many people, that all the blood formed a huge river.

Suddenly, the whole city exploded in a great beautiful explosion, leaving only dust where the city once stood. Except for Aya's shop.

Timmy Turner and his fairy godparents went inside Aya's shop, and died. A few years later, Jimmy Neutron and Dexter found the remains of this unnamed city, and built a huge laboratory.

A decade later, the Naruto ninjas early ancestors discovered this land, and the 5 great nations and few other small nations were built.

They did their ninja stuff, but since this is supposedly a Fruits Basket fanfiction, I should probably leave it at that. Well I hope you enjoyed the history lesson! This was brought to you by someone who's JUST BARELY passing that goddamn class!

**Sorry this is so short, but I just wanted to kill everyone off so I can start a different fanfiction because I got bored of this one after the third chapter (Obviously) Well, hopefully the next fanfic I write won't be as horrible as this one!**


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